Many people, whilst I'm walking down the street, notice that I am the Hello Joel guy and say "Hello Joel" and then laugh hysterically. They all think it's funny. Anyway, that's not the point. The point is that they usually ask me who I think would win in a fight, Spider-man or Wolverine. So, by popular demand, here is my answer to all.

Spider-man vs Wolverine

Let me break this down for you, piece by piece. Lets look at Spider-man's strengths: intelligence, never to be underestimated in a super-hero battle; proportionate strength of a spider, this is a given since he's obviously super strong; spider-sense, this is a large benefit, since he can anticipate hostile activity, enabling him to prepare and defend more effectively; web-slinging, which can really come in handy to get out of somewhere fast or tie up your opponent; and finally his agility, Spider-man has some great agility (though do spiders actually have good agility?). Wolverine's strengths are his physical power, his unbreakable antimantium claws, his super quick healing ability, his extremely good fighting tactic, and he's probably got some hightened agility too

OK so there are two types of battles that could be going on here. A normal fight, where one person is trying to take something from the other person or is trying to hold the other person off from hurting innocent people, therefore the fight only lasts as long as it needs to (until the item is stolen or the people run away or whatnot). Then there is the fight to the death. I'll analyze the first fight initially so we can get a sense of how they match up off the start.

I think Spider-man has the upper hand off the get-go because he could swing in and deliver a good blow from the start using his web-slinging. Unfortunately for him, Wolverine wouldn't stay down long and would quickly be back up with not too much of a setback with his quick healing and strength. I don't see Wolverine with too many offensive options here other than to charge Spider-man with his claws out in deadly fashion. While only one major option, it is also brutally effective, since if Spider-man got slashed, he would be in pretty rough shape. But since for this first battle all Spider-man needs to do is take something from Wolverine's grasp, I think he could trip him up enough with his webbing and avoid any close calls with his agility and spider-sense. Spider-man could basically fight him at a distance since getting too close is dangerous, and victory isn't essential on the death blow, which would be tough to successfully land on someone as good and experienced of a fighter as Wolverine. Therefore, Spider-man wins round one; the non-deadly battle.

Onto the pancratium style fight to the death intense match up we have next. Spider-man may be able to land the first hit, but Wolverine gets back up and is relatively unphased. Spider-man would be able to sustain some decent hand to hand combat with him, were it not for his claws pointed out and ready to dig in. I think Spider-man would dictate the pace of the fight, but I don't see how he could get in close enough to Wolfy to be able to hurt him to the point of vulnerability. Wolverine on the other hand would just need to patiently wait out for Spider-man to make a mistake or misjudge his own speed where Wolverine could land a single deadly punch. Spider-man, to his credit, is very resourceful and I'm sure he'd find a way, with some street light or something as a weapon, to find a weakness in Wolverine. Notwithstanding, my faith in Spider-man being able to take him down to the bitter end is lacking.

Joel Anderson, September 23, 2004

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