The Misuse of the Word Literally
I think the general population watches TV and doesn't really think while doing it. Actually, I've heard that you use more energy sleeping than while watching TV because you're dreaming and that's using a lot of brainpower; this being evidence that no one thinks while watching TV. It's like people are a sponge, just soaking everything in that they hear. This leads to broadcasters being able to use words like "literally" in a very non-literal sense. Have you ever heard a football analyst say "WOW he just got killed, literally!" or a basketball analyst say "That pick was a brick wall, literally!"? Well you probably have, though the real question is, did you notice? I mean, of course the football player didn't actually get killed, and if he did, then shame on the announcer for exclaiming it like that (how much trouble would he get into?? Oh boy..) and of course there wasn't actually a brick wall to run into on a basketball court. So my question is to the announcers.. do you guys not think before you speak? I mean, isn't that one of the first things we teach our kids? Well, I am going to have to propose some drastic plans to fix this problem. I think we need to be actually putting brick walls out on basketball courts, so that when the players run into them, the announcers trip over their own words. They'll be like "That pick was a.. a.. well it was a brick wall. It was literally a brick wall" and then when they go to say, for the next time, that a pick was literally a brick wall, they'll remember that it really isn't at all. I think that'll get them out of saying literally when they actually mean figuratively (the exact opposite). Yes, my plan will work, there are no holes in the plan. As for getting the football announcers to stop talking about the players literally getting killed, we may have to adapt a more ethical solution.. say, y=x. Perfect. We're done here.
Joel Anderson, September 28, 2004
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